My Champion

I heard from Dad this morning.

This morning I had a dream. I have been far removed from thoughts of hope for some time. I dreamed that I walked into my "back room" at my home in Zanesville. I knew I was home. It felt like home. There was the same amount of "comfortable" clutter, the books, the red carpet....etc. I was home. I then saw my father sitting in a chair. He was in his broken state, in this dream. I ran over to him and fell on his chest and then raised my head to his face. He couldn't speak very well. Our faces touched and I just cried and slobbered as I drew his head toward mine. I began to weep and apologize. I said, "dad, I'm sorry that I moved so far away".

I felt the longing we all feel when have so much to say, but can't say a thing. When emotion heaves from your broken heart and regrets clog your throat. It was all in a moment.  And then as I spoke with tears and felt once again my father's warm face against mine. Slowly my father began to speak with all the strength he had. In a windy, low, drawn out, and quiet voice I heard my Father say.........."my champion." I woke up in tears and breathless.

I missed my dad and wished that he could have seen me now, my home, my church, my wife, my son, my house. I decided to share this story, because I'm have been in a tired place for a long time and I know I'm not the only one. I was so overwhelmed that the words he chose to embrace me again were....my champion. I am still crying as write this blog.

You are not perfect. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes, sometimes on purpose. Somehow though, God speaks to us in the most excellent ways. In my dream, I shared with you, I was taken back to a moment that never really existed, but it seemed so real. When I came to my father and began to apologize and weep for time lost. Once again he rescued me from my weakness in a simple way, by calling me "his champion". What does this mean? If you got this far then you are about to hear something from my heart.  I realized this. I am my Father's hopes and dreams. I am my Father's future, even though he is not close to me right now, his voice carries power and can dominate any negative or cross thought in my mind. When I see in the mirror a battered, weak, and often disappointing lump of flesh. My Father looks past all my regrets and failure and see's a CHAMPION. Pray for me.

Surprised by Love

This past week was very stressful. My grandmother passed away. It was expected to some degree as she has stopped eating and was speaking more and more of home, grandpa, and heaven. She was 98 and lived a relevant life until the day her spirit left us alone. Last year I lost my father. He had been bed fast for a long time. It hurt even though we hadn't spoke for several years. The anxiety and pain were mounting. I also have a little boy who is currently in our care. The threat of losing him plays heavily on my heart. Not of his own accord, but a broken system that can be in a sense just, but completely unfair. I finally broke tonight. I finally let go and shared my fear in the form of tears. I let it go. To my surprise he heard me. He came running toward me arms outstretched and gave me a hug. As If to say. I know you are my daddy and I love you. He followed it by a kiss right on my mouth. I knew in that moment I wasn't alone. He doesn't know what His life means to me right now. He has no clue, how much I would fight for him. He doesn't have to love me, he just does.